Short and sweet corny cheesy jokes to make people of all ages guaranteed to belly laugh.
When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?
When it becomes apparent.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
He got fired.
What does a house wear?
Address!
You heard the rumor going around about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But if anything, it made him more sluggish.
Why were they called the “dark ages?”
Because there were a lot of knights
I can never take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s pretty heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head.
Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold? The corner—they’re usually 90 degrees.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.
I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me.
A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie was everywhere.
What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
What's the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant.
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.
Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.
What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.
How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.
Why did the egg hide? - it was a little chicken.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up on its own? - it was two tired.
What kind of candy do astronauts like? Mars Bars.
What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? - a tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? - because every play has a cast.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? - he was just going through a stage.
I tried to catch fog yesterday.
Mist.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu, you just get what you deserve.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? - a nervous wreck.
Why do oranges wear sunscreen? - so they don’t peel.
I tried to win a suntanning competition.
But all I got was bronze.
What do you call a bee who can’t make up its mind? A Maybe.
How does Moses make tea? He brews.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb as a present? - I’ll never part with it!
Why do bees have sticky hair? - they use a honeycomb.
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there’s a dog.
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
What’s the stinkiest planet? Poopiter.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
I started a new job as a tailor last week.
It’s been sew-sew.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
What did one hat say to the other? You wait here. I’ll go on a head.
What’s orange and sounds like a carrot? A parrot.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the ‘p’ is silent.
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.
Why did the frog take the bus to work today? - his car got toad.
What did the buffalo say when his son went to college? - bison.
What’s Forest Gump’s password? 1forest1
How do poets say hello? - hey haven’t we metaphor?
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? - he lost his filling.
How do you throw a space party? You planet.
19 and 20 got into a fight. 21.
What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? - a chew chew train.
Why did the gym close down? - it just didn’t work out.
I have a fear of speed bumps. I’m slowly getting over it.
Where do you find a cow with no legs? Where you left it.
What did one stop light say to the other? Stop looking! I’m changing!
What sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad.
What starts with e, ends with e, and only has one letter in it? - an envelope.
How do you count cows? - cow-culator
Why are skeletons so calm? Nothing gets under their skin
Can February march? No but April May.
Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? He had a great fall!
How do trees get online? They log on!
What is an alligator in a vest called? - an investigator.
What is a really sad strawberry called? - a blue berry.
What’s one animal you’ll always find at a baseball game. - a bat.
What candy do bumblebees like? - bumble gum.
Where do polar bears store their money? In a snow bank.
Plenty of corny jokes to make people laugh.